This Sort of Thing

"I love the way you respond to slow caresses; to being touched by my hands and lips. Up along your arms, over your shoulders, sliding across your jaw and cheek, down your back, and over your thighs and rump finishing with the lightest of lingering kisses on your lips. I give as good as I get. I want your entire body to sing. I want your blood to soar. I want your very soul to disintegrate in passion."

"Blindfolded, shackled, and kneeling before Her; She caresses your cheek. Her scent wafts over you as She passes by in front of you. A new scent comes to you and a woman’s mons is pressed to your lips. You eagerly tease her clitoris with your lips and tongue servicing her and drinking deeply as she comes into your waiting mouth. You suck up every drop and lick her inner thighs clean before she too moves on. Another places her hand on the back of your neck and guides your mouth to her vagina. Indistinct murmurs of approval as heard as you repeat your excellent service. The ladies pass in rotation again and again and you grow more frustrated at not being able to use your hands, at not being able to witness the pleasure you give, at having only to hear and taste their enjoyment. You grow stiff from kneeling and begin to ache. You want to come but mustn’t. You want to come but mustn’t. You want to come but mustn’t. But your boy betrays you and your semen hits the floor. You wait for your punishment. What is it to be? But only silence greets you. You have been left alone in your immobile darkness unable to do anything but remain as you are. Until She comes. If She comes. Your muscles quiver and shake in their pain. You dare not call out for Her. How long will you wait? How long has it been? In darkness, in pain, you wait. You wait. You hurt. You wait. You are in agony. She comes. You hear her footsteps softly approaching. You may neither beg nor plead. You may only accept. The shackles are removed. She helps you rise and guides you to a chair. She removes your blindfold and gently kisses the hair on the top of your head. You are released. She hugs you with all of Her might and smiles, saying “Thank you, darling.”

"Last night the silken slow sliding down your body finding that which made you quiver and catch your breath in delight slow very slowly twining around your shoulders your waist your loins feeling you against my cheek your skin and fur on my skin until I too quiver and burn with a predatory desire kissing caressing licking hearing your pleasure the black leather cuffs on your wrists the strap around the bedpost restraining your arms kissing up and along nuzzling enjoying you purrrrrrrrrrrrr bless and be blessed."

Metaphysics of Sex

What you believe controls what you do. Simply put, when considering the metaphysics of sex there are sexual pessimists and sexual optimists.

Sexual pessimists believe sex is bestial and debasing. Humans are reduced to animals by sex. Sex decreases one's spirituality and draws one away from God. Virginity is laudable. Procreation is the only purpose to sex. Sex reduces one's beloved to the status of being an object to satisfy your animal lusts instead of a person.

The problem with this view is that unlike most other animals, humans can decline to have sex, choose to have sex, choose between sexual partners, accept or decline to participate in whatever one's partner has in mind by way of sex. Choice separates us from animals.

Sexual optimists believe that sex brings people together, binding them to one another. Sex is also for pleasure and is good for you emotionally, spiritually, and physically. One's beloved is a partner with whom you're sharing yourself. Virginity is a handicap.

There are problems with this view as well since sex can cause problems. Sex with just anybody at all can indicate emotional problems. If there is any incompatibility between partners, sex will bring that incompatibility out into the open. There's no where to run; no where to hide when it comes to sex.

Sexual pessimists make poor bedfellows and sexual optimists can be all too generous. They often marry each other...and then the fighting starts.

What's Wanted

Forget positions, toys, techniques, lingerie, role-playing - forget all of it. All of the is irrelevant and all you have been taught about sex and the sexes is wrong.
While there is no such thing as a generic human being, there are two things every man and woman wants when considering their sexual partners.

First: and enthusiastic partner living in the moment with him/her
Second: a partner who reciprocates, giving as good as he/she gets

One achieves this by fully embracing one's sexuality, by understanding your partners, and by being filled with the joy of life. It does take some effort so put your back into it. Men aren't all ravening wolves and women aren't all timid little bunnies. Men also do not only want just one thing. They do think about things other than sex and women think about sex more than you might imagine.

But there are problems. Most of these are from our own internal conflicts about sex and gender roles. Our internal conflicts make us send out mixed messages to our prospective partners who, understandably, become confused. Yes, thank you, or No, thank you, are sufficient and either decision does not need to be justified. You do not have to give a reason.

Please be advised however, the first time with any new lover will not be the best time with him/her. Until you both learn about each other and relax, the sex will not be the conflagration of souls that we all desire. The Golden Rule of treating others as you yourself want to be treated applies, even more so, to sexual relations. Please bear this in mind as you go along.

Women & Humor

Gentlemen - she didn't think it was funny. She thinks you may have meant it to be funny but it left such a bad taste in her mouth that - well, you have lost serious points with her and she's wondering why she hasn't strangled you yet. In fact, much of men's humor has most women wondering why most men remain alive.

The line between funny and not funny lies in between Groucho Marx (funny) and The Three Stooges (not funny). Bugs Bunny is funny and Spongebob is not funny.

And it gets worse. Many of the "how to get women" books written for men advise a man to 'bust' on a woman while being 'cute and cocky'. Don't. She is not one of your male buddies and she will not take it well if you treat her as if she were one of them. Oh, of course there may be one or two who will like it - humans being variable - but generaly, save the 'busting' humor for after she's bedded you when you stand a decent chance of having it be accepted.

Women like wit - the wittier, the better. They like a man who is 'fast on his feet'.

There's that scene in The Big Sleep with Bogart and Bacall where they're talking about horse-racing, except they're not. What they are doing is playing a variant of that delightful game called Shot Your Fox. That kind of chemistry is precisely what you gentlemen should seek to achieve. Should a woman decide to play this game with you, you're in luck - for she has decided to enjoy you - unless you make a mistake.

Husband is yelling about things never being put back where they belong. Snatches up a screwdriver and angrily demands to know who left it out. Wife warningly growls that she did. Husband then goes all meek and mild and bats his eyelashes at her and says "I'll be happy to put it away for your, my dear." on his way to the garage. His children applaud him for having made a great save.

The point, gentlemen, is to never lose your sense of humor and also be prepared to use it - correctly - to keep the lady by your side and on your side.

Humor will also be needed should the lady of your choice decide to raise children with you. Child says he wants to run away from home. Dad looks up and asks "Promise?" and Mom advises the child to not tease his father. Often, humor will get the message across, and make the message much more acceptable to the recipient, than anything else.

"If you can make her laugh, she won't strangle you." - direct quote from the child in the above example.

Gentlemen - save yourselves!

Less of a Man

Men are people who live in terms of heirarchy. This is how they assess each other.Who outranks whom is not so much the issue here; rather it is a question of having assumed the responsibilities expected of a man in his society. In western cultures, the priorities are, in ascending order, gainful employment, wife, children, grandchildren. Somewhere along the way, a man is also expected to become a householder - a man of property. Shades of meaning enter the picture when one begins assessing the quality of the wife, children, grandchildren, and property. The title all men wish to avoid is that of drone; a man with nothing to offer beyond his biology who attaches himself to a woman.

Women assess men differently. While women acknowledge the worth of the above, wwomen judge men upon their behavior - how a man acquires the employment, wife, children, etc. matters just as much as whether he has them. Lying, stealing, cheating, or gaining them because he was bought and these are his payoff will diminish his value in her eyes. Women want men who will enjoy honoring their obligations and show some grace while doing so which is why a pregnant wife about to give birth is not thrilled to find her husband several states away in a hotel bar with his girlfriend. for us, a man has to be more than just 'a steady paycheck'.

Men are caught up in "love, honor, and cherish" as well as in "protect, defend, and provide".

It is only his inability to meet those obligations that make him less of a man; not whatever he gets up to in the bedroom.

Invitations

A caring, considerate person does not ever demand his/her beloved participate in any sexual activity. You may, however, invite him/her to share this or that with you. This is because so much of sex is also bound up with what a person thinks about themselves - as in "less of a man" or "not being womanly".


Women do not generally see themselves as being sexually aggressive. So demanding that she be sexually aggressive may strike her as wanting her to behave "unnaturally" - in a way contrary to her beliefs.


Men generally are not in favor of just passively receiving a woman's attention especially if they see themselves as being submissive or subordinate to her. He may feel that you see him as being "less of a man".


Any frontal assault on such beliefs will be seen as a threat. ("Pushing limits" is the same thing more neatly dressed.) You cannot do that without damaging your image and place within the relationship. Threats, whether real or not, do not generate that loving feeling.


But you can invite him/her to play.


Invitations suggest delight, fun, joy and there's nothing threatening in that. Light and laughter whilst rolling around together - who would object to participating? Instead of being seen as some uncaring, inconsiderate lout (or worse), you are now seen as a wonderfully adventurous playmate; a sincere lover and a true friend.


All because you invited instead of demanded.

We Are People

Men and women are human beings first. Therefore, in the absence of pathology, we all share the same hopes, dreams, and desires - as well as the trials of life. The genders are more alike than they are different. We all want happiness. We all want a good life. The questions are only about the details.


It is in those details that we run into our problems.


There is a communication problem between the genders where often what you heard was not what was said. Women do nuance and most men do not. Languages mutate over time and place making communication inprecise. Intonation, inflection can be lost or misunderstood.


If in doubt, seek clarification.

There is no getting away from the fact that men and women are both wired and raised differently. It is in all of our best interests to improve our inter-gender communication so we can improve our inter-gender relationships. To this end, I offer the following advice:

1. Men - put your egos away for a moment and listen. If you do not quite understand - ask.

2. Women - stop analyzing, he means what he said; stop using nuance when speaking to him.

Treat each other with civility, which is due to every human being, if not respect, which needs to be earned individually. With care, precision/clarity, and consideration - we can effectively communicate.

Be gentle with each other - we are all cousins.