Becoming a Dominatrix

We’ll begin by defining what we mean when we say ‘dominatrix’. I mean assuming the leadership role in sexual relationships. In truth, any woman sexually ‘outguns’ any man. This can be very off-putting to some men and inspires fear in some other men who then question her loyalty and seek to assume control over her and over her sexuality. Most women are trained to comply and accept that she is responsible for his ego and for his emotions. Therefore, most women are modest, people-pleasing appeasers who want to be liked by everyone they meet and wouldn’t say boo to a goose, make a scene, or bring a rapist or abuser up on charges. Most women therefore accept the submissive role in their sexual relationships telling themselves that being submissive and being sexually reticent is their natural feminine role. By understanding that nothing could be further from the truth, one begins becoming a dominatrix. Forget the thigh-high black leather boots and all of the stereotypical accessories; they are not needed. All that is needed is the attitude that you rule: that your desires are just as legit and just as important as his. However, since we’re also playing fair and we don’t like being beaten up, debased or humiliated, we’re not going to inflict any of that on our partner. Our definition then changes to include the expression ‘soft’; we are soft dominatrices. We require his cooperation, his compliance, his agreement – not his total surrender of self. Of course should he not comply, there is no sex and she merely walks away. Each of us must own our emotions. If he says no, you must accept it just as if you say no, he must accept that. Just as you are not here to prop up his ego, appease his anxieties or assuage his insecurities he isn’t here to prop up, appease or assuage yours. If you’re going to mess about with adult fun, you simply have got to be adult about it. No bartering, blackmailing, daring, cajoling, begging, pleading is permitted on anyone’s part – not even yours. You cannot force his compliance, you can merely invite his compliance. Mutual consent is the rule. The thing to remember about consent is that it can be withdrawn at any time by everyone involved. If he wants more than you are willing give, you can say no or withdraw your consent. Taking charge in the bedroom – what does that mean, exactly? It means determining who will do what to whom, how, when and where it will be done, step by step. It means non-verbal and verbal communicating good or bad, like or dislike, go or stop, up or down, right or left and so on. It also mean watching and listening to his verbal and non-verbal communication as well and studying his reactions to what you’re doing to him. You can have him lie unmoving while you explore his body omitting his genitals, for example. That usually gets his attention. Sliding your body over his while he is not permitted to respnd also works very well. Above all, do not be shy and forget being modest. You are She and he is Yours.

Millionaire Matchmaker

Do Not Watch This Show.

You would be taking advice from a 40-something woman who cannot bring herself to commit to her boyfriend of 4 years aka - a failure on the dating scene. Patty - the goal is a long and happy marriage, not an eternity of dating.

Now for several points:

1. the penis chooses; Initially, perhaps, but to get beyond the infatuation to the love, you have to match strengths to strengths while not matching weaknesses and this means that ultimately the mind chooses with the heart's consent.

2. A gemini is great at sex; NOT! Patty, EVERYTHING you know about sex is wrong - dead, flat wrong. Stop being a 'left coast weenie' and join the real modern world.

3. redheads are bitches, and strong, capable women are not 'dating material'; oh my NO you silly Patty you - please stop being 13 years of age and a prima donna. Tigers need to date Tigresses not the hamsters you seem to prefer. And glorious fiery warrior-women (redheads) are the true delights of this world.

4. "the man has to be the leader in the relationship"; absolutely NOT - this is a PARTNERSHIP between EQUALS - now we really know why you are not married! Hes' waiting for you to grow-up and graduate from high school.

5. the man always pays, "if you want the legs to open, the man's got to pay always" what are women then, whores? prostitutes? Are you seriously trying to say this sort of nonsense and yet hoping to avoid being labeled a whoremonger? Not only is this offensive but you are also contradicting Miss Judith MArtin aka Miss Manners. The rule is: "The one who invites, pays." Period.

Her views on homosexuality are equally incorrect and offensive.

It is time to get this trash off the air.

Appeasement

We can all stop doing this now. Sex 'just to shut him/her up' is NOT good and you might as well just break up, divorce or whatever works 'for your application'.

Because you've lost it. You have let the love erode away beneath the weight of life.

Perhaps he didn't listen or he sucked all of the oxygen out of the room and she shut down in self-defense. Why bother talking if he's not going to listen?

Or even after years of devotion, she's still clinging to her pre-teen lack of confidence or bad programming done 'to keep her safe' for guys who only want one thing which you can't let him have else he won't respect you.

HAH! Rip his doors off their hinges, honey, and he'll reverently respect you until the day he damn well dies.

Men: back off on the ego and give the lady some room.
Women: go for it! Show the man what you can do!

Because when it comes to sex: women are Titans!

Snooping on One's Spouse Online - Is It Okay?

According to Ian Kerner, Ph.D., Sex therapist, and relationship counselor, yes you should! Because "I think that Internet infidelity is one of the biggest issues that couples face today, and with digital technology increasingly playing a role in divorce, we have to be all the more vigilant." According to the late Shirley Glass, whose book “Not Just Friends” still remains the classic treatise on the subject: “Emotional affairs are characterized by secrecy, emotional intimacy and sexual chemistry. Emotional affairs can be more threatening than brief sexual flings.” "The No. 1 danger of Internet infidelity is not that it could lead to actual sexual infidelity, but that it so easily diverts precious emotional resources away from one’s core relationship."

Kerner goes on to say " I personally believe that in a committed relationship there should be nothing to hide. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t respect your partner’s privacy, but I think that that respect first and foremost demands a foundation of trust." He then goes on to ask "But what about when trust is not a given in your relationship, and you’re worried that your partner might be engaging in behaviors that you’d consider inappropriate?"

To which I say, if trust is not a given in your relationship then you should not be in that relationship.

The results of the poll following this tripe are that 67% of respondants said Yes you should snoop because "couples should not have secrets from each other".

No, no, and no again!

For all of those who said yes, for the next week each day and every day, I want you to write down and then tell your partner everything you said to whom when where why- all the details. Then you will detail when and where and how you went some place and for what reason. You will explain your choices in clothing, demeanor, spending for the day. You will give all details regarding your phone calls, your emails, your texts both sent and received including the spam. You will also record and divulge your feelings and thoughts experienced no matter how fleeting or seemingly irrelevant. You will also honestly answer in full detail any questions I may ask for as long as I care to repeat the question.

Sound like PRISON yet? How long will be 'enough' to satisfy such a weak partner? The rest of your life? Do you really want or need to know everything?

Sweeties - if you cannot take it do NOT give it.

This is an example of what I consider 'encouraging weakness' that is indulging every needy, grasping little whine instead of confronting the poor behavior of one's partner. Emotional energy is not in short supply, after all your can love your spouse, your kids, your parents, other relatives, your friends... so where is this scarcity?

This is pure 'vanilla' romantic trash for those who remain 13 years old - that is to say children themselves.

The Three Systems of Love

It may cause dismay, but we must realise that we are, in very large part, a product of our body and of our brain. The hormones and chemicals released, or not, govern our physical, mental, and emotional being.

The Neuro-Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, and her colleagues, have studied love for 30 years. The findings that follow may be controversial but they do give scientific support to what most of us intuitively know - you can love, truly love, more than one person at the same time.

Based upon the brain chemicals released, Dr. Fisher has divided the love cycle into three phases: Lust, Romantic Love, and Attachment. Simply stated these correspond to the release of Serotonin, Dopamine, and Oxytocin, respectively.

Lust is the drive to mate which gets you out of the house and into the bar or night club. This is where you search for a large selection pool of possible mates - the more the merrier as it were.
Romantic Love is where you focus upon the one person and ignore all others wisely conserving your mating time and energy.
Attachment is the deep and abiding bond that develops between long term partners.
But these three systems are only LOOSELY bound together and it is entirely possible to lust after person A while loving person B while attached to person C.

Now, riding the Sero-Dopa-Oxy Wave may not suit you in particular but there is sound evolutionary necessity behind this interesting set-up. It is all about the successful raising of offspring as a team. Find a mate, win a mate, keep a mate but also be prepared to re-bond with a different mate should the first mate be lost basically sums it up. You could say it was a way of hedging your sexual bets. Life may not be 'nasty, brutish, and short' any longer but we are still set-up for when life was precisely that. Evolution works slowly.

Please note that these findings apply to both genders, all societies, and all socio-economic groups. Also be aware that there is a sizable group within all populations that do ride the Sero-Dopa-Oxy Wave and enjoy it very much.

Food for thought!

Feminine Sexual Competition

Females compete for males by trying to meet masculine ideals of femininity more completely than her rivals. Whatever the male values, will be prominently displayed. Whatever he doesn't, will be carefully hidden away. This is regardless of the price to herself.

Beauty is the first thing addressed since males are visual creatures. Youth and evidence of fecundity come next. Empires have been built by selling women this cream or that surgical procedure. Improve upon Nature is the slogan.

Loyalty, modesty, shyness, weakness, being meek, mild, and soft spoken follow shortly thereafter because males fear being married to a harridan and they fear having to raise a child that is not their own. Females will hide their true selves away rather than risk driving males away.

Females will abandon their sisters and seek to destroy thier fellow females to secure males. They will spread poison trying to destroy whatever value the rivals may have in masculine eyes.

All for what?

Males end up with a Non-person who will be and do whatever the male desires, however he wants it, whenever he wants it. Little Miss Robot with her empty head, plastic inserts, and diminished soul following along as he has programmed her to be. And all will be well.

Except - all will NOT be well.

People can try to deny their true selves all they want - it never works. Age will not be denied. Pregnancy, should it happen, will take over her body completely. Fears unaddressed will not stop eating away inside of her. Experience will couple with maturation with unanticipated results.

If the female has sacrificed all for the male - the male now has an unseen, often unimagined, enemy in his camp and in his bed. Little Miss Robot will always be watching for signs of betrayal or weakness. Any deviation on the part of the male will be seen as a threat and her true self will awaken. She will have her revenge.

Unfettered power over another is never good for people since it leads them to their own damnation. People simply cannot resist exploring their boundaries and this includes the boundaries of their power over another. What once filled them with the idea of being god no longer fulfills. But they want that feeling. So they explore further, and then further, and then further again.

If you doubt this, then history has taught you nothing.

So what is the answer?

For men: Accept that your ego is YOUR problem and not hers. Be honest with yourself and look for a woman whose character, temperment, and habits of mind compliment yuor own - as she really and truly is. Do NOT be satisfied with anything less than ALL she is. Never settle for less.

For women: Stop being AFRAID. Stop competing with other women for men. If this man does not value you as you truly are then get yourself one who does. If he says he loves you, say prove it. Judge a man by his actions and not by his words alone. Never hide who you are.

Everyone: Stop LYING to yourself and to others. Stop being WEAK.

The Pursuit of Happiness

"a man's reach should exceed his grasp,
else what's a heaven for?"


Always having something towards which one strives is usually thought of as being a good thing. And yet...I wonder. Always to strive yet never to achieve? Hmmm. Doesn't sound quite healthy to me since that is the path to obsession isn't it?

Unless one has moments of contentment along the way, the endless lack of satisfaction makes a bleak and barren life. One gets desperate; one begins to despair. Than, maybe, one begins to turn the pain into hate - of self, perhaps of others. The slip into pathology is a subtle one.

Yet those moments of contentment - when all is well, good, and joyous - can enrich even the bleakest life into something rich and wonderful. Held in the heart and remembered, moments where all is enchanted restore sanity and balance to life.

I do not ask you to tell of those moments but to remember them and tell me if my thory in paragraph 3 is correct and why or incorrect and why not?

It seems true to me.