It may cause dismay, but we must realise that we are, in very large part, a product of our body and of our brain. The hormones and chemicals released, or not, govern our physical, mental, and emotional being.
The Neuro-Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, and her colleagues, have studied love for 30 years. The findings that follow may be controversial but they do give scientific support to what most of us intuitively know - you can love, truly love, more than one person at the same time.
Based upon the brain chemicals released, Dr. Fisher has divided the love cycle into three phases: Lust, Romantic Love, and Attachment. Simply stated these correspond to the release of Serotonin, Dopamine, and Oxytocin, respectively.
Lust is the drive to mate which gets you out of the house and into the bar or night club. This is where you search for a large selection pool of possible mates - the more the merrier as it were.
Romantic Love is where you focus upon the one person and ignore all others wisely conserving your mating time and energy.
Attachment is the deep and abiding bond that develops between long term partners.
But these three systems are only LOOSELY bound together and it is entirely possible to lust after person A while loving person B while attached to person C.
Now, riding the Sero-Dopa-Oxy Wave may not suit you in particular but there is sound evolutionary necessity behind this interesting set-up. It is all about the successful raising of offspring as a team. Find a mate, win a mate, keep a mate but also be prepared to re-bond with a different mate should the first mate be lost basically sums it up. You could say it was a way of hedging your sexual bets. Life may not be 'nasty, brutish, and short' any longer but we are still set-up for when life was precisely that. Evolution works slowly.
Please note that these findings apply to both genders, all societies, and all socio-economic groups. Also be aware that there is a sizable group within all populations that do ride the Sero-Dopa-Oxy Wave and enjoy it very much.
Food for thought!
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Feminine Sexual Competition
Females compete for males by trying to meet masculine ideals of femininity more completely than her rivals. Whatever the male values, will be prominently displayed. Whatever he doesn't, will be carefully hidden away. This is regardless of the price to herself.
Beauty is the first thing addressed since males are visual creatures. Youth and evidence of fecundity come next. Empires have been built by selling women this cream or that surgical procedure. Improve upon Nature is the slogan.
Loyalty, modesty, shyness, weakness, being meek, mild, and soft spoken follow shortly thereafter because males fear being married to a harridan and they fear having to raise a child that is not their own. Females will hide their true selves away rather than risk driving males away.
Females will abandon their sisters and seek to destroy thier fellow females to secure males. They will spread poison trying to destroy whatever value the rivals may have in masculine eyes.
All for what?
Males end up with a Non-person who will be and do whatever the male desires, however he wants it, whenever he wants it. Little Miss Robot with her empty head, plastic inserts, and diminished soul following along as he has programmed her to be. And all will be well.
Except - all will NOT be well.
People can try to deny their true selves all they want - it never works. Age will not be denied. Pregnancy, should it happen, will take over her body completely. Fears unaddressed will not stop eating away inside of her. Experience will couple with maturation with unanticipated results.
If the female has sacrificed all for the male - the male now has an unseen, often unimagined, enemy in his camp and in his bed. Little Miss Robot will always be watching for signs of betrayal or weakness. Any deviation on the part of the male will be seen as a threat and her true self will awaken. She will have her revenge.
Unfettered power over another is never good for people since it leads them to their own damnation. People simply cannot resist exploring their boundaries and this includes the boundaries of their power over another. What once filled them with the idea of being god no longer fulfills. But they want that feeling. So they explore further, and then further, and then further again.
If you doubt this, then history has taught you nothing.
So what is the answer?
For men: Accept that your ego is YOUR problem and not hers. Be honest with yourself and look for a woman whose character, temperment, and habits of mind compliment yuor own - as she really and truly is. Do NOT be satisfied with anything less than ALL she is. Never settle for less.
For women: Stop being AFRAID. Stop competing with other women for men. If this man does not value you as you truly are then get yourself one who does. If he says he loves you, say prove it. Judge a man by his actions and not by his words alone. Never hide who you are.
Everyone: Stop LYING to yourself and to others. Stop being WEAK.
Beauty is the first thing addressed since males are visual creatures. Youth and evidence of fecundity come next. Empires have been built by selling women this cream or that surgical procedure. Improve upon Nature is the slogan.
Loyalty, modesty, shyness, weakness, being meek, mild, and soft spoken follow shortly thereafter because males fear being married to a harridan and they fear having to raise a child that is not their own. Females will hide their true selves away rather than risk driving males away.
Females will abandon their sisters and seek to destroy thier fellow females to secure males. They will spread poison trying to destroy whatever value the rivals may have in masculine eyes.
All for what?
Males end up with a Non-person who will be and do whatever the male desires, however he wants it, whenever he wants it. Little Miss Robot with her empty head, plastic inserts, and diminished soul following along as he has programmed her to be. And all will be well.
Except - all will NOT be well.
People can try to deny their true selves all they want - it never works. Age will not be denied. Pregnancy, should it happen, will take over her body completely. Fears unaddressed will not stop eating away inside of her. Experience will couple with maturation with unanticipated results.
If the female has sacrificed all for the male - the male now has an unseen, often unimagined, enemy in his camp and in his bed. Little Miss Robot will always be watching for signs of betrayal or weakness. Any deviation on the part of the male will be seen as a threat and her true self will awaken. She will have her revenge.
Unfettered power over another is never good for people since it leads them to their own damnation. People simply cannot resist exploring their boundaries and this includes the boundaries of their power over another. What once filled them with the idea of being god no longer fulfills. But they want that feeling. So they explore further, and then further, and then further again.
If you doubt this, then history has taught you nothing.
So what is the answer?
For men: Accept that your ego is YOUR problem and not hers. Be honest with yourself and look for a woman whose character, temperment, and habits of mind compliment yuor own - as she really and truly is. Do NOT be satisfied with anything less than ALL she is. Never settle for less.
For women: Stop being AFRAID. Stop competing with other women for men. If this man does not value you as you truly are then get yourself one who does. If he says he loves you, say prove it. Judge a man by his actions and not by his words alone. Never hide who you are.
Everyone: Stop LYING to yourself and to others. Stop being WEAK.
Monday, July 27, 2009
The Pursuit of Happiness
"a man's reach should exceed his grasp,
else what's a heaven for?"
Always having something towards which one strives is usually thought of as being a good thing. And yet...I wonder. Always to strive yet never to achieve? Hmmm. Doesn't sound quite healthy to me since that is the path to obsession isn't it?
Unless one has moments of contentment along the way, the endless lack of satisfaction makes a bleak and barren life. One gets desperate; one begins to despair. Than, maybe, one begins to turn the pain into hate - of self, perhaps of others. The slip into pathology is a subtle one.
Yet those moments of contentment - when all is well, good, and joyous - can enrich even the bleakest life into something rich and wonderful. Held in the heart and remembered, moments where all is enchanted restore sanity and balance to life.
I do not ask you to tell of those moments but to remember them and tell me if my thory in paragraph 3 is correct and why or incorrect and why not?
It seems true to me.
else what's a heaven for?"
Always having something towards which one strives is usually thought of as being a good thing. And yet...I wonder. Always to strive yet never to achieve? Hmmm. Doesn't sound quite healthy to me since that is the path to obsession isn't it?
Unless one has moments of contentment along the way, the endless lack of satisfaction makes a bleak and barren life. One gets desperate; one begins to despair. Than, maybe, one begins to turn the pain into hate - of self, perhaps of others. The slip into pathology is a subtle one.
Yet those moments of contentment - when all is well, good, and joyous - can enrich even the bleakest life into something rich and wonderful. Held in the heart and remembered, moments where all is enchanted restore sanity and balance to life.
I do not ask you to tell of those moments but to remember them and tell me if my thory in paragraph 3 is correct and why or incorrect and why not?
It seems true to me.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Achieving Balance
Between work, home, the kids, paying bills and taxes - life can leave little room for a love life. DON'T let this happen! Resolve to find the time and space for at least 3 hours of relaxed yet focused participative sex per week. Orgasms and intimacy are good for your health.
In a way, sex is like breathing - it only really matters when you can't do it.
But the closing of the body also means a gradual closing of the mind and then of the heart - a once loving couple find themseves on the edge of divorce/separation/break-up. The loss of intimacy slowly grinds away eroding what the partners once shared.
Wrap your arms around your partner, say you love him/her and then KISS him/her to prove it! Do not take "no" for an answer! Be exuberant! Be joyous! Be tantalizing!
Stand and Deliver!
Because who ever had an orgasm they didn't like?
In a way, sex is like breathing - it only really matters when you can't do it.
But the closing of the body also means a gradual closing of the mind and then of the heart - a once loving couple find themseves on the edge of divorce/separation/break-up. The loss of intimacy slowly grinds away eroding what the partners once shared.
Wrap your arms around your partner, say you love him/her and then KISS him/her to prove it! Do not take "no" for an answer! Be exuberant! Be joyous! Be tantalizing!
Stand and Deliver!
Because who ever had an orgasm they didn't like?
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Reputation
Caring about what other people think of you is part of being a social animal - inherent in humans, but adults are expected to have and to exercise good judgment. Adults care about what those they respect think about them. All others' may be ignored.
Some people feel that men who get with soft dominatrices are emasculated. This shows not only a closed mind, a juvenile mind, but also a mind that is uncomfortable with sex/sexuality.
The point to remember is "I do what you're too afraid to even think about".
Experienced women do scare men who are insecure of their prowess. They fear they will be unable to perform in her bed.
Dominatrices scare men who are insecure in their masculinity. They fear being seen as "girly" or submissive by others.
The point to remember is "I do what you're too afraid to even think about".
Wrap your mind around this concept: it takes courage to cede control.
Some people feel that men who get with soft dominatrices are emasculated. This shows not only a closed mind, a juvenile mind, but also a mind that is uncomfortable with sex/sexuality.
The point to remember is "I do what you're too afraid to even think about".
Experienced women do scare men who are insecure of their prowess. They fear they will be unable to perform in her bed.
Dominatrices scare men who are insecure in their masculinity. They fear being seen as "girly" or submissive by others.
The point to remember is "I do what you're too afraid to even think about".
Wrap your mind around this concept: it takes courage to cede control.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Fatalism
The real death for romance and superb sex is fatalism.
You think nothing will change. You think nothing will help.
You give up on your hopes. You give up on your dreams.
When all you need to do is to change your mindset.
If your basic ideas about men/women, sex, and relationships is wrong or unfulfilling, then you need to rethink, re-evaluate - and change what you believe is "true".
And this is not limited to your sex life. Fatalism is death in all areas of your life once it has caught hold. Fatlaism is a vampire that just sucks the lifeblood out of everything.
Instead of that, think of every day you wake up as a conquest! You have conquered! Celebrate each breath as if the next were your last! Every pulse of blood through your veins is a reason to rejoice!
For while there's life - there's a chance; there's a possibility!
Go for it!!
You think nothing will change. You think nothing will help.
You give up on your hopes. You give up on your dreams.
When all you need to do is to change your mindset.
If your basic ideas about men/women, sex, and relationships is wrong or unfulfilling, then you need to rethink, re-evaluate - and change what you believe is "true".
And this is not limited to your sex life. Fatalism is death in all areas of your life once it has caught hold. Fatlaism is a vampire that just sucks the lifeblood out of everything.
Instead of that, think of every day you wake up as a conquest! You have conquered! Celebrate each breath as if the next were your last! Every pulse of blood through your veins is a reason to rejoice!
For while there's life - there's a chance; there's a possibility!
Go for it!!
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
The Multi-Orgasmic Man
While it is true that no man can have as many orgasms as any woman, it is possible for men to have more than one orgasm per erection. All he has to do is to not ejaculate. Ejaculation triggers the refractory period (the resting period) in men so if he can avoid that, he can continue enjoying sex.
Easier said than done and men have been working on delaying orgasm for centuries since it is not polite for him to have his orgasm before she has her orgasms.
The orgasm is separate from the ejaculation. Orgasms are the flexing of the peri muscle while ejaculation is the release of fluid from the penis. By doing his Kegel exercises (stopping and starting the flow of urine while urinating by flexing this muscle) he can improve his control and strengthen this muscle.
A man can ejaculate without having an orgasm and can orgasm without ejaculating.
There are various methods used to delay orgasm including thinking of something else, focusing upon your partner, slowing down, changing positions, and stopping whatever is going on so he can regain his control. Condoms can also be used since they decrease his ability to feel to some degree.
Men can also practice using masturbation. The idea is for him to control his orgasm first and then to control his ejaculation by finding the pause in-between the two. Once found, increase the time of this pause by flexing the peri muscle during orgasm - thus extending the orgasm and extending the pause. Getting this just right may take some practice. This extending the pause is known as edge play because the man is riding on the edge of ejaculation.
To practice during intercourse, use small movements on her hotspots, moving from one to the other after each of her orgasms. Thrusting will only lead to orgasm and ejaculation so the idea is to avoid thrusting. A steady rocking movement that permits both partners to savor the orgasms that roll on through is the goal.
Women can assist in this endeavor in one of two ways. The first is by “doubling him” which is forcing out another orgasm just when he’s having one by continuing the movements that brought him to orgasm. Most men have a kind of “second gear” that they employ when moving to orgasm. Match his “second gear” and keep going until he comes again.
The second method is to delay or prevent thrusting using your body, internal muscles, or to delay orgasm by squeezing the base of his penis with some firmness, but not a vice-like grip, with your fingers. What technique will be required does vary from partner to partner so some exploration and experimentation will be needed.
Please be advised that men might also experience the same ‘false pain’ as a woman might when becoming multi-orgasmic and for the same reason. Once again, once he has become multi-orgasmic, the pain will not reoccur.
The point to doing all of this is to make it possible for men to continue the sexual interlude for four to five hours without needing a break. It is not mandatory. Should a man suffer from premature ejaculation, he might want to pursue edge play with the aim of gaining more control over himself.
There is a difference between circumcised and uncircumcised penises.
Circumcised penises tend to be less sensitive, from having been rubbing up against clothing for years, which tends to make edge play easier. No guarantees of course, as individuals vary.
It is entirely possible to have satisfying sex without going through all of this. But think about it. Wouldn’t it be fun to have two or three orgasms per erection? Wouldn’t it be fun to have sex continuously for four to five hours?
There is Tantric sex, the Kama Sutra, and various other methods available for those wishing to put some spirituality (etc.) into their sex life and this is fine as long as your partner is willing.
Then there’s the opposite problem from premature ejaculation: Erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, and the inability to ejaculate. In the absence of any medical conditions (which are beyond the scope of this book), body worship will help these conditions by relaxing him.
If a man has used steroids or some illegal drugs - he will not be able to orgasm. Should a woman come across a bulked up man with small testicles - he used steroids. “Users” are harder to spot but be advised that drugs tend to ruin the quality of sex to the point of why waste your time. Women can be similarly afflicted but normally the inability to orgasm in women stems from what is in their heads (what they believe) than what is in their bodies.
Easier said than done and men have been working on delaying orgasm for centuries since it is not polite for him to have his orgasm before she has her orgasms.
The orgasm is separate from the ejaculation. Orgasms are the flexing of the peri muscle while ejaculation is the release of fluid from the penis. By doing his Kegel exercises (stopping and starting the flow of urine while urinating by flexing this muscle) he can improve his control and strengthen this muscle.
A man can ejaculate without having an orgasm and can orgasm without ejaculating.
There are various methods used to delay orgasm including thinking of something else, focusing upon your partner, slowing down, changing positions, and stopping whatever is going on so he can regain his control. Condoms can also be used since they decrease his ability to feel to some degree.
Men can also practice using masturbation. The idea is for him to control his orgasm first and then to control his ejaculation by finding the pause in-between the two. Once found, increase the time of this pause by flexing the peri muscle during orgasm - thus extending the orgasm and extending the pause. Getting this just right may take some practice. This extending the pause is known as edge play because the man is riding on the edge of ejaculation.
To practice during intercourse, use small movements on her hotspots, moving from one to the other after each of her orgasms. Thrusting will only lead to orgasm and ejaculation so the idea is to avoid thrusting. A steady rocking movement that permits both partners to savor the orgasms that roll on through is the goal.
Women can assist in this endeavor in one of two ways. The first is by “doubling him” which is forcing out another orgasm just when he’s having one by continuing the movements that brought him to orgasm. Most men have a kind of “second gear” that they employ when moving to orgasm. Match his “second gear” and keep going until he comes again.
The second method is to delay or prevent thrusting using your body, internal muscles, or to delay orgasm by squeezing the base of his penis with some firmness, but not a vice-like grip, with your fingers. What technique will be required does vary from partner to partner so some exploration and experimentation will be needed.
Please be advised that men might also experience the same ‘false pain’ as a woman might when becoming multi-orgasmic and for the same reason. Once again, once he has become multi-orgasmic, the pain will not reoccur.
The point to doing all of this is to make it possible for men to continue the sexual interlude for four to five hours without needing a break. It is not mandatory. Should a man suffer from premature ejaculation, he might want to pursue edge play with the aim of gaining more control over himself.
There is a difference between circumcised and uncircumcised penises.
Circumcised penises tend to be less sensitive, from having been rubbing up against clothing for years, which tends to make edge play easier. No guarantees of course, as individuals vary.
It is entirely possible to have satisfying sex without going through all of this. But think about it. Wouldn’t it be fun to have two or three orgasms per erection? Wouldn’t it be fun to have sex continuously for four to five hours?
There is Tantric sex, the Kama Sutra, and various other methods available for those wishing to put some spirituality (etc.) into their sex life and this is fine as long as your partner is willing.
Then there’s the opposite problem from premature ejaculation: Erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, and the inability to ejaculate. In the absence of any medical conditions (which are beyond the scope of this book), body worship will help these conditions by relaxing him.
If a man has used steroids or some illegal drugs - he will not be able to orgasm. Should a woman come across a bulked up man with small testicles - he used steroids. “Users” are harder to spot but be advised that drugs tend to ruin the quality of sex to the point of why waste your time. Women can be similarly afflicted but normally the inability to orgasm in women stems from what is in their heads (what they believe) than what is in their bodies.
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