50 Shades of Twilight

Bestselling no doubt and yet of what worth? Both series perpetuates the common view of females as 'those in need of protection' but the word 'protection' is used more in the Mafia sense of the word as the females involved must subordinate themselves and transform themselves into what is most desired by their male 'protectors'. I am not the first nor, I hope, the last to comment on these works of vulgar appeal. The well-worn themes of star-crossed lovers, guilty female sexual desire and doomed romance being trotted out once again like so many skeletal horses to stumble across the stage in a ghastly pantomime of decrepit delight. The worst of it is that people paid money for this. Give me a woman who desires to bathe the hero in boiling oil, much to his amusement, instead of these paltry creatures for Faro's Daughter is a much more glorious heroine! There's far more life in her and what woman hasn't wished from time to time to wring her man's neck and vice versa? Exasperation of the female by the male is a richer theme by far if only because there's so much of it. "I bought you a rose because I got my hair cut," he once said to her. Later on this was followed by "What are you doing with those newspapers and that lobster pole?" Admittedly this is better than if he had said to her "Put the gun down," but you can see that one doesn't need fantasy, or weapons, to explore the disconnect between males and females within any one culture's sexual norms and the impact of those norms upon relationships. I offer to you the example of my husband and our son in the kitchen with my daughter and her husband when my daughter yelled "Damn!" All three men froze on the edge of deciding between fight and flight rapidly doing a mental review hoping to God that the fault would not be theirs. Robust life between full-blooded women and men is where the fun lies so when it comes to sex and relationships accept no imitations.

Trust Women

Some people find the concept that women should have unfettered sovereignty over their own bodies even during pregnancy difficult one. When it is 'just her' no one has problem with a woman doing whatever with herself but if she becomes pregnant then everyone whether they know her or not feels they have the right to tell her what she can do. It is suddenly 'open season' on the pregnant woman's civil rights. Essentially the argument is: if she does not own her own body during pregnancy, who does? And if she does not own her own body during pregnancy, how is she NOT a slave? But does the child-to-be not have rights? No, unless the mother-to-be says otherwise. Few realize the risks a pregnant woman runs. Women do still die from pregnancy and from childbirth. This is no 'cakewalk'. Even in the final trimester something catastrophic can occur which will kill both of them unless the child is aborted. This has happened twice in the past year both in Catholic countries. One may say that they were hoping for a miracle. But one could also say that the mother's life wasn't deemed worthy of being saved if an abortion was required to save her life. "It was God's will." If one truly believes that then there was no reason to prosecute Gosnell for surely that was all "God's will " too. No pregnancy is perfect and the system is not without its flaws. The decision Roe vs Wade determined that up to week 26 (6.5 months), the mother-to-be's rights prevail. This is based not only upon viability but also upon specialized medical knowledge. Around week 26, a profound transformation occurs in the fetus - changes so profound that medical professionals in that field call it a metamorphosis. Before this transformation is completed, the child has few, if any, rights. After this transformation is completed, the child has rights. Un less there is a catastrophic failure in the pregnancy whereupon the doctors must save who they can for even now, the fetus could die in utero, turn septic and kill the woman. She bears the risks. Therefore she, and only she, has the right to make the decision.

Sex at Dawn versus Sex at Dusk

Sex at Dawn is a witty, well-supported and pertinent questioning of monogamy, power and society written by two qualified outsiders who do nothesitate to tell you who they are and what their qualifications are. Sex at Dusk is a dreary vendetta written and self-published by an unknown author of unknown qualifications, beyond the statement that she's studied and talked on sex for many years, specifically aimed at 'debunking' Sex at Dawn. Sex at Dusk is so dripping in venom that one begins to wonder if Saxon even likes sex at all. Her book is certainly nasty enough to make one require getting treated for rabies. At the heart of both books is female sexuality. Sex at Dawn rejoices in and acknowledges the glory of the feminine 'unleashed'. Sex at Dusk tries to posit the idea that female promiscuity leads to passive female sex roles and accuses the authors of Sex at Dawn of being sexist because, according to her, 'forcing females into male sex roles' by which Saxon means females desiring sex, propositioning males for sex and initiating sex. Saxon seems to find women desiring sex with multiple males offensive. Yet, the idea of women prostituting themselves for meat, a spin she puts on the practice, she does not find offensive. Saxon believes in the one size fits all and sex should only be along the path outlined in the standard narrative despite the fact that the standard narrative does not work and never has. She does not pose anything new. All she has to say is the same old tired arguments supported by those sharing her same agenda - keep the status quo flawed though it is. As for the Musuo culture, well, that's just "the exception that proves the rule".

The Multi-Orgasmic Man

While it is true that no man can have as many orgasms as any woman, it is possible for men to have more than one orgasm per erection. All he has to do is to not ejaculate. Ejaculation triggers the refractory period (the resting period) in men so if he can avoid that, he can continue enjoying sex.

Easier said than done and men have been working on delaying orgasm for centuries since it is not polite for him to have his orgasm before she has her orgasms.
The orgasm is separate from the ejaculation. Orgasms are the flexing of the peri muscle while ejaculation is the release of fluid from the penis. By doing his Kegel exercises (stopping and starting the flow of urine while urinating by flexing this muscle) he can improve his control and strengthen this muscle.

A man can ejaculate without having an orgasm and can orgasm without ejaculating.
There are various methods used to delay orgasm including thinking of something else, focusing upon your partner, slowing down, changing positions, and stopping whatever is going on so he can regain his control. Condoms can also be used since they decrease his ability to feel to some degree.

Men can also practice using masturbation. The idea is for him to control his orgasm first and then to control his ejaculation by finding the pause in-between the two. Once found, increase the time of this pause by flexing the peri muscle during orgasm - thus extending the orgasm and extending the pause. Getting this just right may take some practice. This extending the pause is known as edge play because the man is riding on the edge of ejaculation.

To practice during intercourse, use small movements on her hotspots, moving from one to the other after each of her orgasms. Thrusting will only lead to orgasm and ejaculation so the idea is to avoid thrusting. A steady rocking movement that permits both partners to savor the orgasms that roll on through is the goal.

Women can assist in this endeavor in one of two ways. The first is by “doubling him” which is forcing out another orgasm just when he’s having one by continuing the movements that brought him to orgasm. Most men have a kind of “second gear” that they employ when moving to orgasm. Match his “second gear” and keep going until he comes again.

The second method is to delay or prevent thrusting using your body, internal muscles, or to delay orgasm by squeezing the base of his penis with some firmness, but not a vice-like grip, with your fingers. What technique will be required does vary from partner to partner so some exploration and experimentation will be needed.
Please be advised that men might also experience the same ‘false pain’ as a woman might when becoming multi-orgasmic and for the same reason. Once again, once he has become multi-orgasmic, the pain will not reoccur.

The point to doing all of this is to make it possible for men to continue the sexual interlude for four to five hours without needing a break. It is not mandatory. Should a man suffer from premature ejaculation, he might want to pursue edge play with the aim of gaining more control over himself.

There is a difference between circumcised and uncircumcised penises.
Circumcised penises tend to be less sensitive, from having been rubbing up against clothing for years, which tends to make edge play easier. No guarantees of course, as individuals vary.

It is entirely possible to have satisfying sex without going through all of this. But think about it. Wouldn’t it be fun to have two or three orgasms per erection? Wouldn’t it be fun to have sex continuously for four to five hours?
There is Tantric sex, the Kama Sutra, and various other methods available for those wishing to put some spirituality (etc.) into their sex life and this is fine as long as your partner is willing.

Then there’s the opposite problem from premature ejaculation: Erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, and the inability to ejaculate. In the absence of any medical conditions (which are beyond the scope of this book), body worship will help these conditions by relaxing him.

If a man has used steroids or some illegal drugs - he will not be able to orgasm. Should a woman come across a bulked up man with small testicles - he used steroids. “Users” are harder to spot but be advised that drugs tend to ruin the quality of sex to the point of why waste your time. Women can be similarly afflicted but normally the inability to orgasm in women stems from what is in their heads (what they believe) than what is in their bodies.

Becoming a Dominatrix

We’ll begin by defining what we mean when we say ‘dominatrix’. I mean assuming the leadership role in sexual relationships. In truth, any woman sexually ‘outguns’ any man. This can be very off-putting to some men and inspires fear in some other men who then question her loyalty and seek to assume control over her and over her sexuality. Most women are trained to comply and accept that she is responsible for his ego and for his emotions. Therefore, most women are modest, people-pleasing appeasers who want to be liked by everyone they meet and wouldn’t say boo to a goose, make a scene, or bring a rapist or abuser up on charges. Most women therefore accept the submissive role in their sexual relationships telling themselves that being submissive and being sexually reticent is their natural feminine role. By understanding that nothing could be further from the truth, one begins becoming a dominatrix. Forget the thigh-high black leather boots and all of the stereotypical accessories; they are not needed. All that is needed is the attitude that you rule: that your desires are just as legit and just as important as his. However, since we’re also playing fair and we don’t like being beaten up, debased or humiliated, we’re not going to inflict any of that on our partner. Our definition then changes to include the expression ‘soft’; we are soft dominatrices. We require his cooperation, his compliance, his agreement – not his total surrender of self. Of course should he not comply, there is no sex and she merely walks away. Each of us must own our emotions. If he says no, you must accept it just as if you say no, he must accept that. Just as you are not here to prop up his ego, appease his anxieties or assuage his insecurities he isn’t here to prop up, appease or assuage yours. If you’re going to mess about with adult fun, you simply have got to be adult about it. No bartering, blackmailing, daring, cajoling, begging, pleading is permitted on anyone’s part – not even yours. You cannot force his compliance, you can merely invite his compliance. Mutual consent is the rule. The thing to remember about consent is that it can be withdrawn at any time by everyone involved. If he wants more than you are willing give, you can say no or withdraw your consent. Taking charge in the bedroom – what does that mean, exactly? It means determining who will do what to whom, how, when and where it will be done, step by step. It means non-verbal and verbal communicating good or bad, like or dislike, go or stop, up or down, right or left and so on. It also mean watching and listening to his verbal and non-verbal communication as well and studying his reactions to what you’re doing to him. You can have him lie unmoving while you explore his body omitting his genitals, for example. That usually gets his attention. Sliding your body over his while he is not permitted to respnd also works very well. Above all, do not be shy and forget being modest. You are She and he is Yours.

Millionaire Matchmaker

Do Not Watch This Show.

You would be taking advice from a 40-something woman who cannot bring herself to commit to her boyfriend of 4 years aka - a failure on the dating scene. Patty - the goal is a long and happy marriage, not an eternity of dating.

Now for several points:

1. the penis chooses; Initially, perhaps, but to get beyond the infatuation to the love, you have to match strengths to strengths while not matching weaknesses and this means that ultimately the mind chooses with the heart's consent.

2. A gemini is great at sex; NOT! Patty, EVERYTHING you know about sex is wrong - dead, flat wrong. Stop being a 'left coast weenie' and join the real modern world.

3. redheads are bitches, and strong, capable women are not 'dating material'; oh my NO you silly Patty you - please stop being 13 years of age and a prima donna. Tigers need to date Tigresses not the hamsters you seem to prefer. And glorious fiery warrior-women (redheads) are the true delights of this world.

4. "the man has to be the leader in the relationship"; absolutely NOT - this is a PARTNERSHIP between EQUALS - now we really know why you are not married! Hes' waiting for you to grow-up and graduate from high school.

5. the man always pays, "if you want the legs to open, the man's got to pay always" what are women then, whores? prostitutes? Are you seriously trying to say this sort of nonsense and yet hoping to avoid being labeled a whoremonger? Not only is this offensive but you are also contradicting Miss Judith MArtin aka Miss Manners. The rule is: "The one who invites, pays." Period.

Her views on homosexuality are equally incorrect and offensive.

It is time to get this trash off the air.

Appeasement

We can all stop doing this now. Sex 'just to shut him/her up' is NOT good and you might as well just break up, divorce or whatever works 'for your application'.

Because you've lost it. You have let the love erode away beneath the weight of life.

Perhaps he didn't listen or he sucked all of the oxygen out of the room and she shut down in self-defense. Why bother talking if he's not going to listen?

Or even after years of devotion, she's still clinging to her pre-teen lack of confidence or bad programming done 'to keep her safe' for guys who only want one thing which you can't let him have else he won't respect you.

HAH! Rip his doors off their hinges, honey, and he'll reverently respect you until the day he damn well dies.

Men: back off on the ego and give the lady some room.
Women: go for it! Show the man what you can do!

Because when it comes to sex: women are Titans!

Snooping on One's Spouse Online - Is It Okay?

According to Ian Kerner, Ph.D., Sex therapist, and relationship counselor, yes you should! Because "I think that Internet infidelity is one of the biggest issues that couples face today, and with digital technology increasingly playing a role in divorce, we have to be all the more vigilant." According to the late Shirley Glass, whose book “Not Just Friends” still remains the classic treatise on the subject: “Emotional affairs are characterized by secrecy, emotional intimacy and sexual chemistry. Emotional affairs can be more threatening than brief sexual flings.” "The No. 1 danger of Internet infidelity is not that it could lead to actual sexual infidelity, but that it so easily diverts precious emotional resources away from one’s core relationship."

Kerner goes on to say " I personally believe that in a committed relationship there should be nothing to hide. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t respect your partner’s privacy, but I think that that respect first and foremost demands a foundation of trust." He then goes on to ask "But what about when trust is not a given in your relationship, and you’re worried that your partner might be engaging in behaviors that you’d consider inappropriate?"

To which I say, if trust is not a given in your relationship then you should not be in that relationship.

The results of the poll following this tripe are that 67% of respondants said Yes you should snoop because "couples should not have secrets from each other".

No, no, and no again!

For all of those who said yes, for the next week each day and every day, I want you to write down and then tell your partner everything you said to whom when where why- all the details. Then you will detail when and where and how you went some place and for what reason. You will explain your choices in clothing, demeanor, spending for the day. You will give all details regarding your phone calls, your emails, your texts both sent and received including the spam. You will also record and divulge your feelings and thoughts experienced no matter how fleeting or seemingly irrelevant. You will also honestly answer in full detail any questions I may ask for as long as I care to repeat the question.

Sound like PRISON yet? How long will be 'enough' to satisfy such a weak partner? The rest of your life? Do you really want or need to know everything?

Sweeties - if you cannot take it do NOT give it.

This is an example of what I consider 'encouraging weakness' that is indulging every needy, grasping little whine instead of confronting the poor behavior of one's partner. Emotional energy is not in short supply, after all your can love your spouse, your kids, your parents, other relatives, your friends... so where is this scarcity?

This is pure 'vanilla' romantic trash for those who remain 13 years old - that is to say children themselves.

The Three Systems of Love

It may cause dismay, but we must realise that we are, in very large part, a product of our body and of our brain. The hormones and chemicals released, or not, govern our physical, mental, and emotional being.

The Neuro-Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher, and her colleagues, have studied love for 30 years. The findings that follow may be controversial but they do give scientific support to what most of us intuitively know - you can love, truly love, more than one person at the same time.

Based upon the brain chemicals released, Dr. Fisher has divided the love cycle into three phases: Lust, Romantic Love, and Attachment. Simply stated these correspond to the release of Serotonin, Dopamine, and Oxytocin, respectively.

Lust is the drive to mate which gets you out of the house and into the bar or night club. This is where you search for a large selection pool of possible mates - the more the merrier as it were.
Romantic Love is where you focus upon the one person and ignore all others wisely conserving your mating time and energy.
Attachment is the deep and abiding bond that develops between long term partners.
But these three systems are only LOOSELY bound together and it is entirely possible to lust after person A while loving person B while attached to person C.

Now, riding the Sero-Dopa-Oxy Wave may not suit you in particular but there is sound evolutionary necessity behind this interesting set-up. It is all about the successful raising of offspring as a team. Find a mate, win a mate, keep a mate but also be prepared to re-bond with a different mate should the first mate be lost basically sums it up. You could say it was a way of hedging your sexual bets. Life may not be 'nasty, brutish, and short' any longer but we are still set-up for when life was precisely that. Evolution works slowly.

Please note that these findings apply to both genders, all societies, and all socio-economic groups. Also be aware that there is a sizable group within all populations that do ride the Sero-Dopa-Oxy Wave and enjoy it very much.

Food for thought!

Feminine Sexual Competition

Females compete for males by trying to meet masculine ideals of femininity more completely than her rivals. Whatever the male values, will be prominently displayed. Whatever he doesn't, will be carefully hidden away. This is regardless of the price to herself.

Beauty is the first thing addressed since males are visual creatures. Youth and evidence of fecundity come next. Empires have been built by selling women this cream or that surgical procedure. Improve upon Nature is the slogan.

Loyalty, modesty, shyness, weakness, being meek, mild, and soft spoken follow shortly thereafter because males fear being married to a harridan and they fear having to raise a child that is not their own. Females will hide their true selves away rather than risk driving males away.

Females will abandon their sisters and seek to destroy thier fellow females to secure males. They will spread poison trying to destroy whatever value the rivals may have in masculine eyes.

All for what?

Males end up with a Non-person who will be and do whatever the male desires, however he wants it, whenever he wants it. Little Miss Robot with her empty head, plastic inserts, and diminished soul following along as he has programmed her to be. And all will be well.

Except - all will NOT be well.

People can try to deny their true selves all they want - it never works. Age will not be denied. Pregnancy, should it happen, will take over her body completely. Fears unaddressed will not stop eating away inside of her. Experience will couple with maturation with unanticipated results.

If the female has sacrificed all for the male - the male now has an unseen, often unimagined, enemy in his camp and in his bed. Little Miss Robot will always be watching for signs of betrayal or weakness. Any deviation on the part of the male will be seen as a threat and her true self will awaken. She will have her revenge.

Unfettered power over another is never good for people since it leads them to their own damnation. People simply cannot resist exploring their boundaries and this includes the boundaries of their power over another. What once filled them with the idea of being god no longer fulfills. But they want that feeling. So they explore further, and then further, and then further again.

If you doubt this, then history has taught you nothing.

So what is the answer?

For men: Accept that your ego is YOUR problem and not hers. Be honest with yourself and look for a woman whose character, temperment, and habits of mind compliment yuor own - as she really and truly is. Do NOT be satisfied with anything less than ALL she is. Never settle for less.

For women: Stop being AFRAID. Stop competing with other women for men. If this man does not value you as you truly are then get yourself one who does. If he says he loves you, say prove it. Judge a man by his actions and not by his words alone. Never hide who you are.

Everyone: Stop LYING to yourself and to others. Stop being WEAK.

The Pursuit of Happiness

"a man's reach should exceed his grasp,
else what's a heaven for?"


Always having something towards which one strives is usually thought of as being a good thing. And yet...I wonder. Always to strive yet never to achieve? Hmmm. Doesn't sound quite healthy to me since that is the path to obsession isn't it?

Unless one has moments of contentment along the way, the endless lack of satisfaction makes a bleak and barren life. One gets desperate; one begins to despair. Than, maybe, one begins to turn the pain into hate - of self, perhaps of others. The slip into pathology is a subtle one.

Yet those moments of contentment - when all is well, good, and joyous - can enrich even the bleakest life into something rich and wonderful. Held in the heart and remembered, moments where all is enchanted restore sanity and balance to life.

I do not ask you to tell of those moments but to remember them and tell me if my thory in paragraph 3 is correct and why or incorrect and why not?

It seems true to me.

Achieving Balance

Between work, home, the kids, paying bills and taxes - life can leave little room for a love life. DON'T let this happen! Resolve to find the time and space for at least 3 hours of relaxed yet focused participative sex per week. Orgasms and intimacy are good for your health.

In a way, sex is like breathing - it only really matters when you can't do it.

But the closing of the body also means a gradual closing of the mind and then of the heart - a once loving couple find themseves on the edge of divorce/separation/break-up. The loss of intimacy slowly grinds away eroding what the partners once shared.

Wrap your arms around your partner, say you love him/her and then KISS him/her to prove it! Do not take "no" for an answer! Be exuberant! Be joyous! Be tantalizing!

Stand and Deliver!

Because who ever had an orgasm they didn't like?

Reputation

Caring about what other people think of you is part of being a social animal - inherent in humans, but adults are expected to have and to exercise good judgment. Adults care about what those they respect think about them. All others' may be ignored.

Some people feel that men who get with soft dominatrices are emasculated. This shows not only a closed mind, a juvenile mind, but also a mind that is uncomfortable with sex/sexuality.

The point to remember is "I do what you're too afraid to even think about".

Experienced women do scare men who are insecure of their prowess. They fear they will be unable to perform in her bed.
Dominatrices scare men who are insecure in their masculinity. They fear being seen as "girly" or submissive by others.

The point to remember is "I do what you're too afraid to even think about".

Wrap your mind around this concept: it takes courage to cede control.

Fatalism

The real death for romance and superb sex is fatalism.
You think nothing will change. You think nothing will help.
You give up on your hopes. You give up on your dreams.

When all you need to do is to change your mindset.

If your basic ideas about men/women, sex, and relationships is wrong or unfulfilling, then you need to rethink, re-evaluate - and change what you believe is "true".

And this is not limited to your sex life. Fatalism is death in all areas of your life once it has caught hold. Fatlaism is a vampire that just sucks the lifeblood out of everything.

Instead of that, think of every day you wake up as a conquest! You have conquered! Celebrate each breath as if the next were your last! Every pulse of blood through your veins is a reason to rejoice!

For while there's life - there's a chance; there's a possibility!

Go for it!!

The Multi-Orgasmic Man

While it is true that no man can have as many orgasms as any woman, it is possible for men to have more than one orgasm per erection. All he has to do is to not ejaculate. Ejaculation triggers the refractory period (the resting period) in men so if he can avoid that, he can continue enjoying sex.

Easier said than done and men have been working on delaying orgasm for centuries since it is not polite for him to have his orgasm before she has her orgasms.
The orgasm is separate from the ejaculation. Orgasms are the flexing of the peri muscle while ejaculation is the release of fluid from the penis. By doing his Kegel exercises (stopping and starting the flow of urine while urinating by flexing this muscle) he can improve his control and strengthen this muscle.

A man can ejaculate without having an orgasm and can orgasm without ejaculating.
There are various methods used to delay orgasm including thinking of something else, focusing upon your partner, slowing down, changing positions, and stopping whatever is going on so he can regain his control. Condoms can also be used since they decrease his ability to feel to some degree.

Men can also practice using masturbation. The idea is for him to control his orgasm first and then to control his ejaculation by finding the pause in-between the two. Once found, increase the time of this pause by flexing the peri muscle during orgasm - thus extending the orgasm and extending the pause. Getting this just right may take some practice. This extending the pause is known as edge play because the man is riding on the edge of ejaculation.

To practice during intercourse, use small movements on her hotspots, moving from one to the other after each of her orgasms. Thrusting will only lead to orgasm and ejaculation so the idea is to avoid thrusting. A steady rocking movement that permits both partners to savor the orgasms that roll on through is the goal.

Women can assist in this endeavor in one of two ways. The first is by “doubling him” which is forcing out another orgasm just when he’s having one by continuing the movements that brought him to orgasm. Most men have a kind of “second gear” that they employ when moving to orgasm. Match his “second gear” and keep going until he comes again.

The second method is to delay or prevent thrusting using your body, internal muscles, or to delay orgasm by squeezing the base of his penis with some firmness, but not a vice-like grip, with your fingers. What technique will be required does vary from partner to partner so some exploration and experimentation will be needed.
Please be advised that men might also experience the same ‘false pain’ as a woman might when becoming multi-orgasmic and for the same reason. Once again, once he has become multi-orgasmic, the pain will not reoccur.

The point to doing all of this is to make it possible for men to continue the sexual interlude for four to five hours without needing a break. It is not mandatory. Should a man suffer from premature ejaculation, he might want to pursue edge play with the aim of gaining more control over himself.

There is a difference between circumcised and uncircumcised penises.
Circumcised penises tend to be less sensitive, from having been rubbing up against clothing for years, which tends to make edge play easier. No guarantees of course, as individuals vary.

It is entirely possible to have satisfying sex without going through all of this. But think about it. Wouldn’t it be fun to have two or three orgasms per erection? Wouldn’t it be fun to have sex continuously for four to five hours?
There is Tantric sex, the Kama Sutra, and various other methods available for those wishing to put some spirituality (etc.) into their sex life and this is fine as long as your partner is willing.

Then there’s the opposite problem from premature ejaculation: Erectile dysfunction, performance anxiety, and the inability to ejaculate. In the absence of any medical conditions (which are beyond the scope of this book), body worship will help these conditions by relaxing him.

If a man has used steroids or some illegal drugs - he will not be able to orgasm. Should a woman come across a bulked up man with small testicles - he used steroids. “Users” are harder to spot but be advised that drugs tend to ruin the quality of sex to the point of why waste your time. Women can be similarly afflicted but normally the inability to orgasm in women stems from what is in their heads (what they believe) than what is in their bodies.

The Multi-Orgasmic Woman

She is not a myth. Women can have as many orgasms as she wants as often as she wants if only she will permit herself to do so. Many women base their ideas regarding sex and their bodies on outside influences. Since most men can have only one orgasm at a time, many women also assume that the same is true of them. It is not true.

What is true is that women have to learn how to orgasm. This is best done using masturbation to the point of orgasm. Women are born with all of the equipment and necessary circuits but those circuits are not activated since reproduction does not require orgasm. Partners can assist can until the circuits are activated nothing will happen. Women who have difficulty reaching orgasm should practice masturbating to orgasm as frequently as they can.

Many women think that by tensing their bodies and thinking hard they can force themselves to orgasm. No. Doing either will stop an orgasm from happening. To orgasm, a woman should instead imagine herself floating on an inflatable raft on ocean swells under the hot sun and a light warm breeze. Relax and let the ocean swells just roll in and out underneath her. No stress. No worries. All is right with the world. Think about nothing at all except how good this feels - again and again and again.

Orgasms are like ocean swells. They build. They slide along. They subside. Let them come. Permit them to roll on through you. Savor each one, small or large, in its turn as it comes. Enjoy the upwelling energy of each afterglow. Soon they all overlap and a woman enters a kind of nirvana, a fully aware but relaxed state where even the slightest breath will induce more orgasms.

Men can get very jealous.

Except the men who can assist a woman into this state. They walk around like they’re kings of the universe. And so they should for they are selflessly giving pleasure beyond what they themselves can usually achieve. No man can have as many orgasms as any woman. Men are simply not built that way.

To introduce women to being multi-orgasmic, a man has to both relax and arouse her. This is best done through body worship. Once she is relaxed and aroused, he can being bringing her to orgasm stimulating each ‘hotspot’ in turn. These ‘hotspots’ are the clitoris, the G-spot, the anterior fornix and the posterior fornix. Using every method he knows to begin in a little variety, assist her to orgasm before moving on to the next ‘hotspot’.

Should she need a rest in between orgasms, being a beginner so to speak, return to body worship. Gradually decrease the time between orgasms.

Some women become extremely sensitive after an orgasm. Instead of pleasure, they experience pain. This is actually a ‘false pain’. What is happening is her brain is not used to this new level of sensation and gets confused. The brain does not like being confused and wants this addition input to stop until the brain can sort it all out.

Give it time. Breathe calmly, deeply and relax through the pain if you have any. Let it go. On the other side are orgasms waiting their turn. Be assured that once breached, this ‘wall’ will no longer exist. Once you become multi-orgasmic, you will always be multi-orgasmic. From then on there will only be pleasure.

Cuddling afterwards is mandatory after a nirvana sex interlude. Wrap your partner into your big strong arms and bear hug her. Laugh, smile, and celebrate! Tell your partner never to hide from you again because you are now a king of the universe.

Fragile Egos

No one is attractive to everyone. But in our heart of hearts - we want everyone to find us irresistable. We want everyone to say "yes". We want to be so devastating that we can make a sewage treatment plant "sexy" just by walking by it. We want the mere idea of us unbuttoning our blouse enough to make every man ejaculate in his pants. It could happen. Certainly, some people have "it". Somewhere. But we learn to deal with this kind of "ego-risk" as part of the maturation process.

The fragile ego being discussed here is the kind that releases the dark side of human nature. The fragile ego being discussed here is the result of having once been prey to a predator. Fragile egos are those that have been destroyed by others whose own egos have been previously destroyed by someone else with a fragile ego.

Abuse lives on because the abuser feels powerless and thus seeks what makes him/her feel powerful. Since the underlying cause of his/her powerlessness remains unaddressed, the wound is not healed, the need continues into pathology and a predator is born.

Insecurity, which is only fear in fancy dress, is to blame for all of this. One's fears cause fragility. When one fears something, one gives power away to whatever one fears leaving one powerless before whatever is fearful.

Fear of being abandoned makes women stay in toxic relationships. Fear of being seen as weak makes men raise their fists towards those they say they love. Fear of being rejected leads people to take what they were not given.

This is not how we should live.

Your happiness should not depend upon the ruination of another person. Your happiness should not depend upon the spilling of another's blood nor upon the breaking of another's bones. Your happiness should not depend upon the twisting of another person's mind or the blighting of their hopes and dreams. No one should have to die at your hands or upon your orders.


Resolve now to face up to your fears. Examine why you fear. Find another way.
Be gentle to eachother and try to consider their point of view.
Get help.

For an unexamined life is not worth living.

This Sort of Thing

"I love the way you respond to slow caresses; to being touched by my hands and lips. Up along your arms, over your shoulders, sliding across your jaw and cheek, down your back, and over your thighs and rump finishing with the lightest of lingering kisses on your lips. I give as good as I get. I want your entire body to sing. I want your blood to soar. I want your very soul to disintegrate in passion."

"Blindfolded, shackled, and kneeling before Her; She caresses your cheek. Her scent wafts over you as She passes by in front of you. A new scent comes to you and a woman’s mons is pressed to your lips. You eagerly tease her clitoris with your lips and tongue servicing her and drinking deeply as she comes into your waiting mouth. You suck up every drop and lick her inner thighs clean before she too moves on. Another places her hand on the back of your neck and guides your mouth to her vagina. Indistinct murmurs of approval as heard as you repeat your excellent service. The ladies pass in rotation again and again and you grow more frustrated at not being able to use your hands, at not being able to witness the pleasure you give, at having only to hear and taste their enjoyment. You grow stiff from kneeling and begin to ache. You want to come but mustn’t. You want to come but mustn’t. You want to come but mustn’t. But your boy betrays you and your semen hits the floor. You wait for your punishment. What is it to be? But only silence greets you. You have been left alone in your immobile darkness unable to do anything but remain as you are. Until She comes. If She comes. Your muscles quiver and shake in their pain. You dare not call out for Her. How long will you wait? How long has it been? In darkness, in pain, you wait. You wait. You hurt. You wait. You are in agony. She comes. You hear her footsteps softly approaching. You may neither beg nor plead. You may only accept. The shackles are removed. She helps you rise and guides you to a chair. She removes your blindfold and gently kisses the hair on the top of your head. You are released. She hugs you with all of Her might and smiles, saying “Thank you, darling.”

"Last night the silken slow sliding down your body finding that which made you quiver and catch your breath in delight slow very slowly twining around your shoulders your waist your loins feeling you against my cheek your skin and fur on my skin until I too quiver and burn with a predatory desire kissing caressing licking hearing your pleasure the black leather cuffs on your wrists the strap around the bedpost restraining your arms kissing up and along nuzzling enjoying you purrrrrrrrrrrrr bless and be blessed."

Metaphysics of Sex

What you believe controls what you do. Simply put, when considering the metaphysics of sex there are sexual pessimists and sexual optimists.

Sexual pessimists believe sex is bestial and debasing. Humans are reduced to animals by sex. Sex decreases one's spirituality and draws one away from God. Virginity is laudable. Procreation is the only purpose to sex. Sex reduces one's beloved to the status of being an object to satisfy your animal lusts instead of a person.

The problem with this view is that unlike most other animals, humans can decline to have sex, choose to have sex, choose between sexual partners, accept or decline to participate in whatever one's partner has in mind by way of sex. Choice separates us from animals.

Sexual optimists believe that sex brings people together, binding them to one another. Sex is also for pleasure and is good for you emotionally, spiritually, and physically. One's beloved is a partner with whom you're sharing yourself. Virginity is a handicap.

There are problems with this view as well since sex can cause problems. Sex with just anybody at all can indicate emotional problems. If there is any incompatibility between partners, sex will bring that incompatibility out into the open. There's no where to run; no where to hide when it comes to sex.

Sexual pessimists make poor bedfellows and sexual optimists can be all too generous. They often marry each other...and then the fighting starts.

What's Wanted

Forget positions, toys, techniques, lingerie, role-playing - forget all of it. All of the is irrelevant and all you have been taught about sex and the sexes is wrong.
While there is no such thing as a generic human being, there are two things every man and woman wants when considering their sexual partners.

First: and enthusiastic partner living in the moment with him/her
Second: a partner who reciprocates, giving as good as he/she gets

One achieves this by fully embracing one's sexuality, by understanding your partners, and by being filled with the joy of life. It does take some effort so put your back into it. Men aren't all ravening wolves and women aren't all timid little bunnies. Men also do not only want just one thing. They do think about things other than sex and women think about sex more than you might imagine.

But there are problems. Most of these are from our own internal conflicts about sex and gender roles. Our internal conflicts make us send out mixed messages to our prospective partners who, understandably, become confused. Yes, thank you, or No, thank you, are sufficient and either decision does not need to be justified. You do not have to give a reason.

Please be advised however, the first time with any new lover will not be the best time with him/her. Until you both learn about each other and relax, the sex will not be the conflagration of souls that we all desire. The Golden Rule of treating others as you yourself want to be treated applies, even more so, to sexual relations. Please bear this in mind as you go along.